Struggle

So as some of you may know, I'm on the quest to get myself to a healthy weight. I've been overweight for some time now and I have been slowly bringing that weight back down. I'm extremely satisfied with the results and am even happier with the fact that I know I'm able to do this in a healthy way. I've started eating better and slowly exercising more and more. I've lost about 21 lbs in 4 months (which by any nutritionist/personal trainer/doctor is a healthy rate).

A girl I have on my Facebook catches my attention once in awhile. I see her join a group or fan a page that has to do with being thin. As someone who wants to lose weight I would normally be understanding of this desire, but it concerns me because these groups promote eating disorders.

Having never fully suffered from an eating disorder, it is difficult for me to understand this. I started researching some "Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia" sites. (Ana is a personified name for Anorexia and Mia for Bulimia). I, like so many others, have a hard time watching people suffer from a disease. Anorexia and Bulimia are serious conditions and generally are not just a "lifestyle choice".

Let me explain why I said "never fully suffered from an eating disorder" above. There was a time in my life where I unintentionally ate much less than my body needed. It was not because I desired being thin (much less overly thin), but it was because I was going through a very difficult time in life. I don't know if depression is the right name for it because I tend to think of depression on a much more serious scale, but I was very unhappy. Event after event caused me to plummet deep into sadness. During this period of time (and really whenever I get sad) I started to lose my appetite. I would only eat maybe twice a day. As this went on I realized, not only was I eating less often, but eating much less when I did eat.

My life turned around (I was happy again) and I ended up gaining the weight I lost back plus about 20 more lbs. Now, I understand any person's want to lose weight, but I stress the importance of a healthy way of going about it. Also, I think one thing that really sad about people suffering from an eating disorder is that it makes me wonder what they would think of someone with my body type. I'm 5'4" and still 189 lbs. To people like them, that makes me a fat girl. I will never weigh 100 lbs and I will never fit into a size 0 pants. I am more than okay with that fact because I love my life and will love my body at 140 in a size 10.

I will continue to track my weight loss and I plan on celebrating when I meet my goal.